Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
