I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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