Everything about him screamed your future.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
