I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
