Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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