I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
we should paint friendship bongs
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