Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
