I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
pray to the hookup gods
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
