Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
