My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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