she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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