Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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