he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
His hands were made for my vagina.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
