she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
