I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
