I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
