i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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