Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
