we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He did a backflip because drugs
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
