Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
