Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
