Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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