tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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