Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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