They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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