Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
