I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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