So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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