when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
