yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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