Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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