Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
