She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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