Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
