My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
