i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
