then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
