Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
