did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
