Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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