Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
