I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
