So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
