Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
