I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
