it hurts more in the daytime
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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