dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
