Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
