I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
