tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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