im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
